


Teach Me How To Love

by ShadowBiscuit



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Bottom Sam, Fluff and Angst, M/M, Rimming, Sastiel - Freeform, Season/Series 09 Spoilers, Shower Sex, So much angst, Top Castiel, and then smut, mixed POVs
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-19
Updated: 2015-07-19
Packaged: 2018-04-10 03:39:42
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,638
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4375805
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ShadowBiscuit/pseuds/ShadowBiscuit
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“Cas… I’m really not sure what to say. This is-” Sam motioned with his hands, ‘this’ meaning them “-it’s too much. You can’t expect me to just roll with it and be fine.” </p><p>Sam and Castiel are alone in the bunker. And when Cas gets drunk, hidden feelings show themselves...but Sam doesn't cope well.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Teach Me How To Love

**Author's Note:**

> The Sastiel, as promised~

Fishing out a beer bottle from the fridge, Sam went back to the library where the peanut butter and jelly sandwich was awaiting him. However, it wasn’t his, but a recently humanized angel’s. Dean was out, hunting down one of Abaddon’s minions, so Sam and Castiel were left alone in the bunker, their job for today consisting in a huge amount of research. Of course, they were going to do all the research Dean and humanity needed, but for now, Sam wanted to do something for his friend.

And also, he was damn curious how it felt like, being a human from an ex-angel’s perspective.

He put the bottle next to the sandwich, sitting down at the other side of the table, and resumed emptying his own bottle. He didn’t have to wait too long, though, as Castiel emerged from the locked bathroom door, wearing a plain dark blue shirt, with black, worn out jeans, these being the only clothes the brothers had that fit him. Sam and Dean talked and agreed on going out to buy some new, decent looking clothes for their angel friend, but that time still had to come.

“I know I already mentioned this previously, but the water pressure here is perfect,” Cas noted with a nod of appreciation, eyeing the sandwich in front of him, and then glanced at a smiling Sam Winchester. “Is this what I think it is?” he asked carefully, slowly taking a seat in front of Sam.

“Hell yeah, PB&J. Heard from Dean you loved this thing and we had some strawberry jelly, along with some peanut butter, so I thought why not?” Sam motioned with his bottle for the angel to go ahead and indulge himself in the sandwich and wasn’t disappointed when Cas took a small bite from the bread and immediately grinned in a surprisingly human way.

“You know, as a human, I learned many things,” Cas said between bites of his sandwich. “For example that I find the constant need to urinate bothering, that sleeping is pretty much a liability and that humans have way too many confusing emotions. But one thing’s for certain, and that is the fact that I will never get bored of the delicious taste of this PB&J sandwich.”

Sam couldn’t help but let the happy smile show on his face. Cas had been through enough shit as it was, Heaven or Hell kicking his ass all the time, so seeing him smile over a simple piece of bread, made Sam incredibly glad. He wanted to help his friend in every way he could, he really did, wanting nothing more than to lift the weight off Castiel’s shoulders just like the angel did for him years ago.

People make mistakes, Sam understood that more than anyone, making many irreversible mistakes himself, so he could also guess what Cas could be feeling now. Guilt, or any emotions, weren’t popular with angels, but Cas knew he did bad things, made the wrong decision more times that he’d like to admit and even as an angel, must have felt something close to guilt. Now, as a human with real emotions, Cas must be suffering, all the things he did weighting him down, how he always thought it was the right choice, the right thing to do. But as they all know, the road to Hell is paved with good intentions.

And Sam understood. Like how he thought that demon blood was the answer to becoming stronger, to defeating evil, while he was the one who became evil in the process. Like how Castiel was thinking about his family, just wanting to fix things in Heaven, swallowing a nuke and the power making him do unforgivable things.

They’ve both been through good and bad, turned on each other, made choices thinking they were the right ones and in the end, when there was nothing left, they felt like they built a perfect world made out of peace and freedom, only to wake up and realize they burned the whole thing down, destroyed everything with their own two hands.

So, when Sam saw that distant look in his friend’s eyes, he understood.

“Hey, how about some beer?” he offered, nodding towards the unopened bottle of beer next to Cas’s plate. Castiel, still chewing the last piece of his bread, looked at the bottle suspiciously, which made Sam smile once again, before slowly reaching out. He opened the cap with a pop and brought it to his mouth, grimacing at the taste.

“It tastes different than how I remembered it,” Castiel noted, but took another sip nonetheless, soon unable to stop drinking until the whole thing was empty, earning an amazed look from the hunter.

“Whoa.” Sam laughed, snatching the, now empty, bottle away from a dangerously swaying angel. “No way, don’t tell me that you’re drunk.”

But the look Cas gave him suggested that, yes, he was clearly drunk. Sam briefly wondered what kind of drunk a human Castiel would be like, but he didn’t have to wait long before he felt the angel’s piercing gaze on him, with a look of hurt and sorrow in his eyes.

“I never thought that I’d end up like this,” Castiel sighed, his voice unnaturally low as he stared at the empty plate in front of him as if it contained the answers the angel was looking for. Sam nearly felt his heart break from the immense amount of _hurt_ in his friend’s voice, but decided to stay silent and listen to him.

“I always thought that I could trust my family, that I could trust Heaven, my home. I never questioned anything, never had second thoughts, all orders seemed just. But now…” Cas shook his head, raising it to look Sam straight in the eyes, looking like a betrayed man. “Now, I fear that my family has been corrupt from the start. There are too many questions and little to no answers. Who knows how long I’ve been blindly following orders that seemed right then, but if I were to think back and reflect upon them, I’d realize that they’re just sugar coated lies? How many times did they reset me, wiped my memories away? I just…” His voice broke, and at that moment, Sam could have sworn he saw a tear slide down the broken angel’s cheek. “I just hoped that what I did made a difference. That maybe, my family would have learned from my mistakes. But I was so wrong, couldn’t have been more wrong.”

Between Sam and Dean, Sam was always the one who liked talking about his feelings, when necessary. He was the one who cared too much. So how in Heaven could he have not gotten up and walk over to his broken friend, before embracing him in a warm, reassuring hug. Yeah, it was awkward and very weird, but it felt so right that Sam thought, screw the world and everything, he wasn’t going to let his friend shatter in front of him.

And Castiel didn’t. Sam’s strong arms around him stopped him from breaking down. He wasn’t sure how to react at first but, maybe his vessel knowing deep down that this was the right reaction or because his humanity helped him out, he was soon returning the hug and burying his face in Sam’s neck, inhaling his smell, a mix of beer and gunpowder, blood and _Sam_.

They stayed like that until the moment passed, then with a pat on the back, Sam pulled away, flashing a small but genuine smile towards Castiel, whose eyes were like a window to his soul, showing a look of pure adoration and awe at that moment. Castiel always thought that Sam Winchester was a broken man, even more than his brother, and it took him this long to finally understand that Sam was the complete opposite of broken. This man was the strongest human being he laid eyes on, making him feel small and filling him with such need to protect and preserve Sam, that Castiel sat dazed for seconds.

Meanwhile, Sam went to sit back, but before he could, Cas was already by his side and grabbed his arm. “Sam…” Cas paused, not sure what he wanted to say or how he wanted to say it, so he just tightened his grip on Sam’s arm, who frowned at the sudden pain.

“Cas? What’s wrong?” Sam asked, starting to get worried, and slowly tried removing Cas’s fingers that were trying to dig a hole in his arm.

“I just…felt like doing something. But, never mind,” Cas mumbled, releasing Sam’s arm after a while and before he could have asked what that something was supposed to be, Castiel was already gone, going back to his room so quickly that Sam had to wonder if Cas didn’t get his wings back.

Sam just stood there for long seconds, trying to come up with a rational explanation as to what the fuck just happened, then when he got nothing, he decided to just let it slide. For now.

That being easier said than done, Sam managed to stick to his plan of ‘let it slide’ for about three hours. When Castiel still didn’t return, his patience ran out and after something that could only be described as a breathing exercise, he knocked on Cas’s bedroom door. Two quick, but loud knocks, so even if the other was sleeping, he would be woken up by Sam’s stubborn knocks.

Waiting, Sam was about to barge in uninvited, when he heard a weak voice say, “It’s open.”

Opening the door, the sight that welcomed him was not what he was expecting, at least not from someone who used to be a powerful angel of the Lord. Castiel was sitting at the side of the bed, elbows on his knees and face in his palms, buried there as if his goal was to suffocate by his own two hands. His shoulders were slouched and he looked so damn _weak_ that all of Sam’s annoyance went right out the window the moment he laid eyes on the broken shell of an angel.

“Cas?” Sam slowly sat down next to him, gently placing a hand on the other’s shoulder. He was worried, never before seeing his friend like this. “Cas, please talk to me. Tell me what’s wrong?” Though Sam probably knew why Cas was feeling so down, the guilt surely being too much for him to bear with.

What Castiel said next shocked him so much that Sam found himself staring at those blue eyes in disbelief even after a whole minute had passed.

“As a human, I realized another thing,” Cas began, slowly bringing a hand up to a still non-shocked Sam’s face and gently running a thumb across his cheek. “I began noticing you, Sam Winchester. Noticing you, in ways like never before. You have me mesmerized by not only your physical beauty, but your inner light as well. And I felt such a strong urge to have you in my arms, a physical and emotional need, that I had to fight my hardest to suppress that corrupt desire. My own body, my vessel, my mind, my very being was betraying me by reacting to every little thing you do, Sam Winchester. What I feel… it is not, cannot be love. It is something, a feeling humans haven’t found a name for yet, something much more and powerful than love,” he whispered, his thumb now reaching Sam’s mouth and Cas let himself get carried away, lost in Sam, brushing his thumb across the hunter’s bottom lip.

It took Sam a moment for all of that to sink in, and when it did, he stood up, backing away while his eyes never left Castiel.

“What? You…” Sam paused, having no clue what one was supposed to say in these circumstances. He decided that he needed a bit of time to actually think about how all of this was going to impact on their relationship and how this must be a nightmare and he would wake up and he and Cas would have a good laugh and-

But the look in Castiel’s eyes when Sam backed away stopped the hunter cold.

Castiel looked at his hand in his lap, as if he was fighting back tears. Of course, the ex-angel never thought that Sam would understand or even return his feelings, never dreamt about it, but the look of shocked disbelief and disgust on the hunter’s face when Cas told him how he really felt, made him experience such _pain_ like he never felt before.

There was a long, awkward pause between them, the room silent like the calm before a storm. To his own surprise, Sam was the first one to break the maddening silence.

“How?” he asked, because he really was curious. “How can you love me? Or, feel whatever it is that you feel about me? I mean, not only do you know me, so you’re aware of what kind of person I am, but dammit Cas, we’re both men.”

Castiel frowned at that, slightly tilting his head as if what Sam said confused him. “Sam, how could you say that? I feel the way I do _because_ I know the kind of person you are. I love you for who you are,” he said with such a serious look, that Sam couldn’t not believe him. “As for the gender issue, I am completely and utterly indifferent to sexual orientation. I see no difference or feel any different. But, then again, I suppose some humans find it unnerving and disgusting, picturing themselves with the same gender…”

Another long silence, and Sam was completely lost. Yes, minutes ago he was outraged and confused by Castiel’s feelings, could have never seen himself with his friend in that way, but now he felt unnaturally okay with it. Well, not ‘okay’, but he didn’t feel like throwing up as he imagined feeling Castiel’s lips on his, firm hands touching his skin, and why was he thinking about that in the first place?

“Cas… I’m really not sure what to say. This is-” Sam motioned with his hands, ‘this’ meaning them “-it’s too much. You can’t expect me to just roll with it and be fine.” Sam said in the softest tone he could manage, sighing as he saw Cas nod, those bright blue eyes looking straight at him and he felt a rush of alien feeling flow through his body.

“I understand. I wasn’t going to force myself on you, Sam, you must know that. I wouldn’t do anything without your consent. It’s an… angel thing,” Cas said with a small smile, turning his head away from Sam, signaling that the conversation was over.

And as Sam hesitated, then walked out of the room, he wondered what would have happened if he said Yes to Castiel.

*

One week. It took Sam one week to realize that the dreams he was having about Castiel’s lips all over his body weren’t going to go away until he did something.

And that something was locking Cas and himself into the bathroom right after a very surprised Cas got out of the shower. Obviously, Sam chose a time when Dean was out looking for Abaddon, so they were alone, again.

“Alright,” Sam said as he pushed the, aside from the towel wrapped around his waist, naked Castiel against the door, feeling brave and confident about himself and what he was doing. For now.

“Alright, what?” Cas asked, dazed and obviously trying not to get distracted by Sam’s lips which were only inches away from his.

“Alright, yes. I am saying Yes, Cas. I want you to show me how you feel, make all my doubts vanish about same sex relationships, or whatever this thing is going to be between us and just prove me wrong,” Sam growled, his breath coming out as quick inhales and exhales as his confidence quickly left him, the previous adrenaline disappearing and making him notice how close he was to Cas.

To naked Cas.

To naked, perfect Cas, with wet hair sticking to his forehead, blue eyes you could drown in, pink lips begging to be kissed, skin aching to be touched, just the right amount of muscles, with water still rolling down his chest and holy shit Sam was getting a fucking hard-on just by staring a Castiel’s body. His train of thoughts was cut off, however, when he felt Cas’s hands on his waist, pulling him closer, making Sam look back up at him, because the hunter was apparently staring a hole into the towel.

Sam was pretty sure he could hear an audible snap as all his doubts disappeared the second he saw the happy, beaming smile on Castiel’s face, his ocean blue eyes shining in joy.

Sam was sure that a man shouldn’t look so fucking sexy, but he simply stopped caring.

“Sam,” Cas whispered against Sam’s lips, before pulling him into the hottest kiss he ever experienced. The Pizza Man taught Cas well. Sam felt the cold air against his bare skin as his shirt and pants were quickly removed, along with his boxers, and he was pushed into the shower and against its wall.

“Cas,” Sam purred, feeling his face flush as he said the next three words he never thought he’d say to a man. “Make me scream,” he breathed against Cas’s neck, giving it a gentle bite and all of that must have flipped a switch inside Castiel, because the next thing he knew, the angel was practically fucking his mouth with his tongue, his hands roaming all over Sam’s naked body, pulling and scratching and pushing and caressing and probing and Sam was fucking _moaning_ into Cas’s hungry mouth. Castiel’s tongue worked wonders on him, licking into and claiming Sam’s mouth in every way possible, kissing the hunter’s lips raw, until he had to break the kiss with a gasp in order to get some air into his lungs because damn, they had to be kissing for at least five minutes now.

“Holy shit, Cas, where did you learn that?” Sam gasped, one hand on the back of Castiel’s neck, the other holding his shoulder as if he was hanging onto his dear life. The angel answered with a talented glide of his tongue against Sam’s ear, making the grown man bite down on his bottom lip to force back a whimper, and whispered, “I’m a natural.”

Castiel was happy, but clearly having too much fun, because the grin on his face was anything but innocent. It was downright fucking dirty. He used his knee to spread Sam legs, then ‘accidentally’ rubbed between his legs with that same knee, earning a heated glare from the turned on hunter. At least Sam hoped that he was glaring and not eye fucking the already horny angel.

That being a mystery forever unsolved, Sam had bigger things to worry about.

Literally.

Glancing down, he took in a shaky breath as his eyes landed on Castiel’s huge cock, and he licked his lips hungrily. “Shit,” he mumbled, swallowing as he couldn’t rip his gaze off of the masterpiece in front of him. “Are you going to top with _that?”_

Castiel chuckled, actually chuckled, which was so rare that Sam was pretty sure this was the first time he heard Cas do that, if they didn’t count that one time when he was filled with Leviathans.

And this was a low chuckle too, followed by a predatory grin that made Sam shiver, in a good way.

“Don’t worry, I kind of did some research on how two males engage in sexual activities. You will receive sufficient preparation to be able to take me inside,” Cas reassured him, placing a small kiss on his cheek and man, wasn’t that adorable? So Sam just nodded, then thought that maybe he should help out with the ‘preparation’ bit and surprised Cas by slowly sinking to his knees and looking up at the angel with the same grin Castiel presented him with moments ago.

“Sam, you don’t have to do that,” Cas told him when he finally realized what Sam was up to but one look at the man on his knees told him that Sam was enjoying this, it being completely his choice.

“Don’t worry, I’m not going to do anything I don’t want to. And Cas…” Sam slowly and, hopefully, teasingly licked his upper lip and placed both his hands on Castiel’s hips. “Honestly, I really, _really_ want to do this.”

Castiel let out a low groan at the sight before him, and nodded, running his fingers through Sam’s hair before taking a handful of it in his fist, and made sure that his grip was tight, but not tight enough to hurt Sam.

Sam got to work after just a moment of hesitation, unable to believe that he was actually doing this, but he didn’t feel disgusted or wrong. This felt good, right and it’s been a while since Sam felt so damned turned on. He licked the head of Castiel’s huge cock, hearing the angel groan above him which made him grin. Deciding that he liked the sound Cas made, Sam began lapping at the pre-come gathering at the slit, then took the head in his mouth, sucking on it greedily, pushing his tongue against all the spots that made Cas buck his hips and moan. After a while, Sam felt ready to take the angel’s cock all the way in, which was a pretty stupid mistake because he started gagging around it the moment the tip reached his throat, making him pull out and gasp for air.

“Sam? I’m sorry, are you okay?” Cas sounded genuinely worried as he knelt down next to him, taking Sam’s face in his hands and kissing his forehead. Damn it, if Cas wasn’t going to stop being so kind, Sam was going to cuddle the living hell out of him.

“I’m fine, just… Well, your dick is too fucking huge.” Sam grinned, earning a surprised look from his angel, who then started to laugh. Smug bastard.

“Let me make it up to you, then,” Cas said, helping Sam up and positioning him so Sam was facing the wall with his hands on each side of his head, ass pushed out and legs spread. Cas went back to kneeling and kissed the hunter’s thigh before spreading his ass cheeks with his thumbs, marveling at the view in front of him.

When Sam, being kind of slow at the moment, realized what Castiel was up to, he felt his face flush, his body burning hot. “Cas? Hey, I don’t think that’s a good idea…” he said, glancing over his shoulder at Cas who was looking up at him with questioning eyes.

“You don’t want me to?” Castiel asked, feeling a bit dejected, as if his lifelong dream was to taste Sam. Every single inch of him.

And maybe it was.

Sam swallowed, then biting on his lower lip, he shook his head and spread his legs even more. “That’s not it. I want you to do it,” Sam whispered, then after a pause, he added, “please.”

Castiel didn’t wait to be asked twice; he smiled triumphantly and began licking Sam’s tight hole and Sam thought he was going to melt right then and there, letting out a loud moan.

“Holy shit,” he gasped, panting from each swipe of Cas’s tongue and as he looked back over his shoulder, Sam saw a very pleased and proud angel look back at him, before winking and going back to work his magic, which left Sam moaning in a pitch he had no idea he could reach and make embarrassing, _needy_ sounds.

Castiel’s tongue was licking all around his hole, poking and tasting, then Sam felt the hot tongue inside of him, making his breath hitch and throw his head back. Cas’s tongue moved an wiggled in of him, eating him out thoroughly and soon, Sam was unable to take it any longer, waving goodbye to his manliness and the remains of his pride as he started _begging_.

“Oh my God, Castiel, hurry _please!_ I want, I need, oh fuck- Please Cas!” Sam whined, pushing back against the angel’s tongue. Cas took the hint and slid his tongue out, standing up and starting to rub Sam’s hole with his index finger, but the impatient hunter turned around and slapped his hand away, then looked him straight in the eyes as he said, “Castiel, you fuck me right now, or I swear I’ll cuff you to the bed and ride you until you pass out.”

That took Castiel by surprise, but to his credit he didn’t hesitate, pushing Sam against the wall and wrapping the larger man’s legs around his hips as he lined up his hard cock with Sam’s hole and thrust it in.

Sam let out a loud and, yes, painful scream, digging his nails into Cas’s back and pulling him closer with his legs. The pain filled scream stopped the angel, though, and he quickly looked at Sam for a sign, if he was allowed to keep going.

“I’m okay,” Sam gasped after a while, trying to relax and ignore the burning pain in his ass.

“No way.” Castiel frowned, gently kissing Sam’s neck. “Sam, I’m hurting you. I want to do this just as much as you, maybe even more, but I refuse to move if it causes you pain and no pleasure.”

Sam was touched by Cas’s words, but he was as stubborn as the angel and licked the corner of Cas’s mouth before shaking his head. “I’m fine, I’ll be fine, Cas. Just please, please move. I promise, next time we’ll do it on the bed and you can prepare me as much as you want but now I want this, I need it _like this_ ,” Sam practically whimpered, kissing at Castiel’s neck desperately, panting against his neck lustfully.

“Next time?” Castiel asked, as if Sam had just told him that Heaven and Hell were best buddies.

“Yeah.” Sam smiled, tenderly kissing his lover. “I hope you didn’t think that I’d let you fuck me and then walk away.”

“I’m not fucking you, Sam” he said. “I’m making love to you and claiming you as _mine_.”

Sam blinked at that, and then grinned stupidly, like a seven years old kid. “Well then, make me yours, baby.”

And Cas did, thrusting into him slowly, then faster and harder, listening to Sam cry out and moan, scream and whimper, making sounds that, with the tightness of Sam’s hole, quickly sent him over the edge. It didn’t take long for him to come into his hunter with a groan, Sam following after a few thrusts, coming untouched and painting their chests with his come.

They were panting, exhausted beyond belief, Castiel slowly pulling out of Sam and letting him slide down the wall. Sam felt fucked out, feeling like he could just sleep like this if he just closed his eyes for a minute. But right when he thought that, he felt warm water wash over him as Cas turned the shower on and had a hand extended towards him. Taking the offered hand, Sam carefully stood up, feeling incredibly sore.

“Well…” Sam let Cas clean him, the smile never leaving either of their face.

“Well.” Castiel leaned in, kissing all the doubt that was threatening to come from Sam. “You’re mine, Sam Winchester. I believe that we can be abominations together, now,” he said, those loving eyes making Sam wonder why he ever said no to him, and thinking that being owned by this man was probably going to be the best part of his fucked up life.


End file.
